Be Thankful for Every Bad Manager You’ve Ever Had

In spite of all the material out there on what it takes to be a good manager—a quick Google search as I started writing this provided 166 million options—unfortunately, most of us are more likely to spend time working under a bad manager than one that matches our ideals. But getting stuck with a bad manager isn’t all gloom and doom, because most of us learn more from bad experiences than good, and those bad experiences can create tectonic shifts in how you work with others as you grow in your career.

Lions, Tigers and Bad Managers, Oh My!

The human brain is hardwired to learn and hang on to lessons learned in extreme moments, especially ones that evoke fear. If you’re a caveman walking alone and a lion jumps out from behind a bolder (if you survive) you’re going to remember specifics about that event—where you were, what you did, where the lion came from, etc.—so you don’t repeat that experience. If you're in the office and a particularly lousy manager jumps all over you and blindsides you with accusations and acrimony, you’re likely to remember that experience and try to minimize the chances of that happening again.

There is even science that says negative experiences may push the good ones to the back in our memories. So you can thank every bad manager you’ve ever had for setting the examples of what NOT to do for the rest of your career.

The Rules Don’t Apply to Them

As I mentioned earlier, there is no shortage to tips and tricks for being a good manager. Back in 1970 Robert Townsend wrote one of the first and great guides for organizational management and health in Up the Organization: How to Stop the Corporation from Stifling People and Strangling Profits. There is enough practical and timeless information in this one book to wonder why bad managers still exist today. I recommend you add this book to your personal library.

The same is true of First, Break All The Rules by Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman. If the guides have been written, and all the tools are there for the taking, why do bad managers still terrorize the landscape? I think it comes down to one simple idea: the rules don’t apply to them.

Buckingham and Curtis distinguish four core activities and the different views of traditional managers versus great managers:

 “Conventional wisdom says:

• Select the person … based on her experience, intelligence and determination

• Set expectations … by defining the right steps

• Motivate the person … by helping her identify and overcome her weaknesses

• Develop the person … by helping her learn and get promoted

 “By contrast, great managers:

• Select for talent

• Define the right outcomes

• Focus on strengths

• Find the right fit

Seems easy enough, right? Why then do so many people get this so horribly wrong?

Newton’s Third Law, in Management

Newton’s third law of motion says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The same can be applied to management. When working with companies to define core values and better understand what’s working in the organizational culture, we typically interview managers and line employees. It becomes clear pretty quickly which traits the best employees embody and what the worst employees do consistently. The best employees often act in the exact opposite manner of the worst. If this is the case, then it may be easier to look at the traits the worst managers share and do just the opposite.

Don’t: Be a jerk—Your lack of integrity and brutish behavior may unfortunately be permitted by the organization, but the people beneath you will hate you. They may follow because they have no choice, but they won’t respect you and may quietly pray for a way out.

Do: Live authentically—Vulnerability in leaders has been proven time and again to be a key driver in building strong teams and company cultures. No one expects the people at the top to have all the answers, so take the pressure off yourself and be real and human and reachable.

Don’t: Try to be the brightest star in the constellation—It isn’t possible, anyway, and the best employees will find a way to leave your constellation.

Do: Share the spotlight with the people doing the heavy lifting—Make it a habit to make sure your best people get time in the spotlight. Help others see the valuable contributions of your team. When your team earns the credit, dole it out in extra large portions.

Don’t: Focus on people’s weaknesses—The weaknesses will only improve slightly (they’re weaknesses for a reason) and you’re likely to have bitter, resentful employees who hate the fact that you only point out what’s wrong.

Do: Focus on people’s strength—All the science proves this is where you can realize exponential growth, have happier employees and achieve greater goals. As a bonus, learn to say thank you. People like to hear that they do well from time to time. Be gracious and authentic in your praise.

Don’t: Micromanage the process—As a manager you should have better things to do than staying neck deep in the minutiae. Chances are good that if you’re mired in the details, you’re also encouraging the internal spin that destroys company culture.

Do: Focus on the outcomes and embrace multiple paths to success—Hire good people, get out of their way and help them succeed more wildly than you or they could ever achieve as individuals.

Don’t: Point fingers and place blame—Some managers misinterpret accountability as their job in holding everyone else accountable. Wrong. Build a healthy culture and the team will hold themselves accountable to each other. If people only act responsibly when the boss is around you have some serious issues just waiting to break the surface.

Do: Keep your feet on the ground—Error increases with distance. Stay relevant. The further you are away from the people who make your company great and the work getting done on the front lines, the greater the likelihood that that you become a caricature rather than an actual leader.

Don’t: Isolate people, skills and processes—Insecure managers like to put people on islands and make them feel like they're always on shaky ground.

Do: Build communities and help people find their tribe—Help your people feel welcomed as part of a broader community. Build a stable environment that reduces fear and encourages every person to bring their very best idea to the job every day. When that happens you have a chance to create jobs with meaning for talented people who want to change the world.

If you’re currently working under a bad manager take notes so you can apply what you learn later and throughout your career. If you think this list is incomplete, add to them here. Remember we want to focus on our strengths and build better managers, not try to rehab every bad one. Healthy corporate cultures the world over will help weed out the bad and keep the good ones going. Good luck out there.

10 Ideas for Taking Charge of Your Career.

Whether you’re just starting out or rethinking your current situation, you’re in charge of you. Where you go from here is largely related to who you are, how hard you’re willing to work and what kind of impact you want to make in the world. Choose to be amazing.

Early in my career a mentor helped me see that I had a choice in how I worked my way through life. He said that though I’d never be able to control every aspect of what happened, I could control how I showed up, what kind of impact I had and how I felt about that impact.

I’ve collected the best advice I’ve received over the years and narrowed them down to the top ten. I’d love to hear what works for you.

1. Be YOU

Much of the world doesn’t like originals. They like things and people that are predictable. But you have a choice in the kind of life you want to live. I love Todd Henry’s statement that “cover bands don’t change the world.” They play someone else’s music over and over again. Don’t be a cover band. Be you.

2. Have big goals

Be willing to aim for lofty goals, so that even if you fall short you will have accomplished something and that something is relevant to you. Long-term goals help you have an idea of the smaller steps you need to take to reach them. If you’re focused only on today, you become very fragile when things don’t go your way. Things are going to be different than what you planned. You should plan on that!

3. Make a difference

Plan to make a difference, to learn and grow and change the world. Those things don’t happen overnight. They aren’t killed overnight, either.

I encourage people to take a moment each quarter and document what they did over the previous three months to have an impact. A lot of people struggle with that. They can tell me all the work they did, or number of projects or clients, or places they went. But not anything of significance. Don’t confuse effort with outcome. Plenty of people work very hard and have nothing of significance to show for it.

4. Worry about what you can control; not about what you can’t.

This was something I heard early in my career and is absolutely one of the most important lessons of my life. Obsess over things under your control but learn to give up the things outside of your control.

You can’t control how your presentation will be received by the people you present to, but you can control how much time, energy, thinking and general preparation you put into your presentation. I’ve found that when I did the heavy lifting on my end more often than not the outcomes came closer to what I had hoped. It’s when I cheated on the prep that things went badly.

5. Take what you do seriously, but not yourself

Learn to laugh. Enjoy your work and the people around you. Nobody wants to work around the office curmudgeon and they certainly won’t be around to help make your life better if you’ve made theirs a personal hell. Do great work but enjoy the ride.

6. Be curious

Stay open to what’s new and different and crazy and special. Stop trying to know the approach. There is no one approach. That’s a fixed mindset that says somehow you’ve arrived and now you can’t grow any further. Science proves that your brain can rewire itself continuously and learn new techniques. So keep up the curiosity.

7. Be amazing at something

Don’t be normal. Normal is boring and doesn’t leave a mark. Be amazing. It doesn’t matter what you choose. Find your passion and work like crazy to be amazing.

8. Be willing to fail

I guess I’m lucky here, because failing comes so naturally to me or because I’m willing to put ideas out there and get a reaction. A few years after college I was on stage one night playing my guitar and singing before several hundred people and forgot the second verse to a song. Oh sure, I had the guitar chords down, but the lyrics were gone. I could have walked off the stage embarrassed or I could have … yeah, walking off wasn’t an option. I asked the audience if they’d mind me singing a different song. They didn’t mind. I played, sang and finished the song in style. I’m convinced the big applause I received wasn’t so much because I did anything special but because I had just overcome one of the top nightmares for people performing in front of an audience. I think they liked knowing I didn’t spontaneously combust. I’ve performed thousands of times since then and had any number of issues pop up. But I’ve always survived.

9. Don’t make excuses

Good things happen every day. Bad things happen every day. Own your issues and improve when you screw up. You will screw up. Hopefully, because you’re going to be willing to fail and that means you’ll miss the mark sometimes. When that happens, be the adult in the room who takes the heat.

10. Be open to change

What I do now didn’t exist five and ten years ago. Technology I use every hour didn’t exist three years ago. It’s an amazing time to be alive. Go with it. Learn new things. Be curious. Have a growth mindset and enjoy the ride.

BONUS: Who you are is not who you will become

Take a good look in the mirror. Whether you love or hate what you see, you have a chance to make tomorrow something special. You’re not stuck. If today was lousy, make tomorrow better. You can control that. You should control that. In the end, be you. Be amazingly you. And change the world while you’re at it.